Jealousy

I've written about this topic before but not so blatantly I guess; I've discussed overcoming creative blocks and meditating but not so much how to deal with that terrible feeling of wanting what someone else has.

I've noticed it more in myself these past several months, I guess that also comes with rejection, which is what I've experienced as well.  I'm trying to grapple with how to move past this feeling and why I'm having it.  First it angers me, because I want to be happy for my friends (and others I don't know personally) but last night I really asked myself why? As why am I feeling this way versus indifference or nodding my head and moving on.  I'm usually pretty good at letting things go and having them roll right over me (it's in my Pisces nature) but not so much lately, I want more than ever before to be completely successful in all areas - creatively, financially and emotionally.

And my best response to the why is that internally, deep down I know that it's because maybe I feel that I've fallen short of my own expectations (creatively).  That I know I'm not pushing the envelope as far as I can.

So I've made a new commitment to myself and declaring it on my blog (that means I'm held accountable) to make some crazy, outlandish and fun work.  I haven't 'played' much since I graduated and I need that, I need to have a bit of fun, in between making my production work.  I'm sure I've made this declaration before but this time I really mean it!  

One of my paper boxes (back in art school) - when I did fun stuff!

Thanks so much for reading and having a place to write out my thoughts and share them with you. 
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